She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize