At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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