she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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