I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
