im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
