I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
