im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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