I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize