P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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