happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
