I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
