I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
