I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
