He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
