I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
