This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
