is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize