I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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