honey bunches of taint.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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