My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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