Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize