Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
