Me. At least after what I've been through.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
