She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
