On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
