Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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