my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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