if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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