Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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