For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
