the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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