it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize