the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
