I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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