her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
