You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
