You made me cry and you don't even care
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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