ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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