Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
