Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
