before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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