I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
