4 words: hood of his car
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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