I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
