$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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