GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
