I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Pooping to opera.
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