Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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