I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
