I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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