I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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