wrigley field is MILF paradise
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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