he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
