I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
