I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't deserve a penis
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
