PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
