I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
