If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
