Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My feet surprised me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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